It's uselessssss, my family is hopeless.

H

O

P

E

L

E

S

S

.

But i'm an idiot so I still like them a lot.

I NEED MY EZ LINK CARD CAUSE ADULT FARE IS DAMN EXPENSIVE.

DAMN YOU, TRANSIT LINK! YOUR SERVICE IS AMAZINGLY SLOW.

Gotta finish my GP research crapxzcsx and go for chalet tmr.

Tmr Chalet

Friday Countdown party

Saturday New Year outing!

Sunday - Monday 4E Chalet

Tuesday School Reopen.

If don't do tmr i gg already.

I know how insignificant my presence is, but can't you turn around and see me for who I am even if it's just once?

nov.

I love my new playlist heehee.

anime OSTs from animes i've been watching the past month~

SO NICE SIGH.

DAMMIT THERE IS NOTHING TO DO ZZZZZ.

I've been translating so much I think it'll last them till next year -_-

I'm so bored I think i'm going crazy.

But somehow, I just don't feel like touching my GP research cause imma slacker ^^

N.KOREA AND CHINA ARE FUCKTARDS!

Will I get into trouble for saying that?

okay U.S. is just as bad, they're getting so ready for 'retaliation' that it feels like they actually want the war gosh. and singapore just had to 'URGE' both Koreas to practice 'UTMOST RESTRAIN'. seriously, what use is there?

Yea i'm just complaining because i'm bored. It's not like I can do a better job. Should I take back the words in red?

Hmm..

Nah, I don't like N.Korea.

okay I should just edit it a little.

done!

Sigh, wish some secret group that fights for justice can just invade N.Korea and kill off all the important people and set the people in N.Korea free. buh.

Why am I sad?

Been months since I cried over something that isn't related to anime.

Why do I feel so sad?

If I told anyone, they'd think it's something really insignificant and that there's nothing worth being sad over. Which is why I don't really want to tell anyone because they won't understand how important it is to me. They'd think it's just me being, well, me.

Not that I've anyone to tell this to anyway, wouldn't be here otherwise.

Okay it's 12.30am now and my cousin just called to ask if I wanna go out for a spin. It was as if he read my mind that I needed a breather. But cmon, we're not in a movie and we all know it, you can't just get out at midnight, and get cheered up and be all happy again. My mum didn't let me out. Even though she used to because they were my cousins.

And she doesn't even know how much this would have meant to me.

I feel like crap now, and I don't even know why anymore.

greed

[edit] decided to delete this post after a good night's sleep. thanks for the encouraging smses guys and girls. [/edit]

deal? no thanks.

My life is officially over.

the truth? i don't know.

i think i'm gonna give up trying to get closer to my currect clique. it's not gonna work out, i don't know why either. personality clash? yea we don't have much in common. they're people who can't trust others with their secrets, with the exception of 1 or 2 people. so i don't think i wanna force them to trust me, but that also means i won't be able to trust them since it's gotta be mutual..

no, i still love them a lot.

okay maybe not love. really like.

yea, i'm just gonna get pass this 1+ month and say bye to them. it's better if we don't meet that much hahaha. tension everywhere~

and yea, i made this decision after talking to some people and realising that they're so, so much suited for me than they'd ever be. They're fantastic friends, and i absolutely love talking to them cause they tell me about themselves too. It's not one-sided, finally. i'm much closer to mengying too, to my surprise hahaha. i never really thought i'd be able to hang out this well with a prc, but she's nice and she asks me for advice and actually values it, i feel so happy just talking to her ^^

these people make me feel my worth as their friend, they make me feel like i'm valued and not just someone they are 'obliged' to be with. It allows me to share the things I know and have experienced before, and learn the things I havent. I'm so happy to have them as my friends :D

I'm glad i met 4E, and this bunch of people that made my day ytd :) hahaha just thinking about them makes me all warm inside!

and here I am..

TA DAAAA.

happy birthday to myself long time ago!

let's seee what happened since i last posted.

...

...

...

...

i can't remember. as usual.

Okay i had fabulous presents, $300 in cash and a kpop night ticket(!!)..

And finally.

something unexpected happened.

FULL EXEMPTION!

which fulfils yet another wish of mine.

but nah, im not happy with full exemption cause i don't deserve it. my results aren't that great either. the comments the teachers gave.. first time i got negative comments. and it's comments that are not justified too. so it pissed me off. i'm fine with teachers saying "amanda should try to concentrate more in class to get better results in her end of years" than to say "amanda shouldn't let her grades drop even if she has no intention of taking the subject next year"

do i look like the kind of person to not study for a subject just because i don't wanna take it? gosh. seriously regret telling her any shit.

results wise.. people judge too easily. sure, i got full exemption, but it doesnt mean that i topped the class, seriously -_- i did pretty badly, on the contrary. the A1s i got were all borderline ones, and the only one worth mentioning is lang arts, which i topped the level for again. Still, people don't realise that my sciences dropped alot simply because 'she got full exemption'.

argh$#^@$*^*

another annoying thing. i INNOCENTLY, WITH A PURE INTENT, WITH ZERO INTENT OF SUANNING PEOPLE, told people to jiayou as a form of encouragement, and the first thing they can think of is, "wah don't suan me just because you have full exemption lah". I mean seriously, i can't even say good luck, jiayou, all the best now? What rubbish.

and shaun obviously got results a zillion times better than mine. all you guys could say was "aiya but you got full exemption!" HELLO ARE YOU GUYS STILL OKAY? GPA is the most inaccurate measure of a student's ability, imo. they should look at overall marks instead zzz.

okayyyyy.

whatever it is, i'll live with it in the end.

Now's the time to FIND SOMETHING TO DO and not rot at home for the next two weeks. I'm open to ideas. for now, there's swimming, manga, anime, and sleep -_-

okay. zai jian.

A day for liars.

Happy Teacher's Day Eve!

Celebrations were alright today, didn't feel as happy as I ought to.

Miss choo's danced to RING DING DONG, and it was AWESOME, for a teacher!

I know, im getting lazier and lazier and lazier in updating this place, but there really isn't much going on with my life that's worth mentioning. And i'm determined to only talk about positive, happy stuff and not those emo crapzsczsxs that i sometimes feel.

THEREFORE, there's nothing to talk about.

WHICH MEANS, my life's filled with misery.

BUT, that's the way life is.

BECAUSE, misery is the natural state of equilibrium, and happiness is but an ephemeral disequilibrium.


september's in another 8 hours! I've always loved this month for obvious reasons, but i love this month also because autumn is at its peak at this time of the year :)

Yeap, and the upcoming playlist will be the cantonese songs I used to listen to when I was younger, mostly by Twins. They were really famous when I was in Primary School, so yeaaaaa. I can't remember the songs by other singers, though there were quite a lot which were nice ):

Desperation.

Dear who ever is watching over me,

I HAVE NO WISH TO FAIL MATHS.

Please grant me an A1 for my maths test tomorrow T_T

I have worked hard for it. I think.

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Amen.

Aren't dogs simply the cutest thing in this world?

To all suicidal people out there:

please don't kill yourself. Don't even try to.

Because you won't succeed unless you're brave enough to jump off a building.

or unless you get a poison so lethal you die after just consuming one drop of it.

otherwise,

you won't succeed. and you'll just live to regret that you ever tried.

I already do.

You'll find yourself so unbelievably stupid when you think about it calmly afterwards.

don't be a self-centered, unappreciative freak just because you can't handle what's on your back at the moment.

don't you know? things always get better. and you can't just die on your parents who worked their asses off to raise you up. no matter how freaking irritating, naggy, mean they are to you, they did raise you up with ample food and a more-than-decent house to live in! it's just not worth forgetting all of these just because of some schoolwork that can actually be sorted out.

I didn't use to understand how much the people around me meant to me, so i did stupid things that I rergret a lot. So I don't want the same to happen to people close to me, and that's also why i feel so strongly about this whole suicidal thing.

PEACE.

Happy National Day!

Watched The Last Airbender today with my cousins.

So-so plot, horrible script, not bad visuals.

I'd give it a 2.5/5 i think, be glad i even gave it a pass!

I didn't do a SINGLE homework the past 4 days, so i'm not sure if i can go out tmr ): I think i'll just do chem and maths and elit tmr, and leave the rest to the AYLC period! Really hope I make it tmr.

Made mummy angry because nobody told her we were going out for a movie with our relatives. thought she knew, since we were talking about it over wine yesterday. Oh well, the point is, she was angry. and if daddy found out, i'm gonna get screwed up all over againnnnnnn. nice, right?

Tmr's cca ): i'm kinda not looking forward to it cause it ends so late ): though i really want to be there when the new members come.. but we've cip so we can only be there at 5 -.- I'm hoping ernchuen goes for choir practices, and that jacky would go too. I'm actually not that desperate to make up the numbers, it's just that it'd be damn cool if our class had 9 choirister in it xD

oh well, the year 4s make up more than half the choir now -.-

Spare me.

Please.

Just leave me alone already.

You get a kick from being hated, from being called a bastard, how sadistic can you get? Go stick to someone else!

idiots.

i hate people who don't know any shit, but still talk as if they know everything.

fuck off and die please.

unnecessary comments just make you look like an idiot, don't you get it?

gosh.

we hardly even talk about anything, you don't even know 1% of the things about me, and you're acting as if you've known me for years. don't be so full of yourself please, egoistical bastard.

One month from now.

Today was tiring.

4 consecutive tests, 3 science 1 math.

Brain fried. Literally.

):


I don't know why we can't have just one successful choir outing.


...


argh.

nevermind. clique outing suits me fine too.



my mood got ruined! ):

but tmr's ndp so i think my mood will be a little better.

hmm.

Braindead.

Hi.

I started on my mission to be a better student.

Okay, there wasn't alot of homework to finish, more like lots of tests to prepare for. I'm so afraid I won't remember anything the moment I look at the essay question tmr, even though I spent so much time preparing for it too. Which is why I'm gonna look at my compiled notes (which i finally finished in the library today) again to make sure it stays.

I read through DC circuit and Practical electricity, quite easy but it's hard to remember everything when my brain's so filled with information on the Arts. Literally an information overload, gosh ):

Went back to visit the junior choir today, the year 2s sounded so out of tune, it hurt my ear listening to them. then suddenly a ray of hope struck through, I heard such a solid and in tune voice, looked up and realised it's Glenvicia. LOL. It was better after the year 3s and 2s joined in I guess, but Karimatanu was quite screwed imo.

GIOIA. don't know whether to go or not. it just has to be on that day eh? HAISSS. oh well.

Went to the library again. ms joined me a while after, and jx and friends were two tables down. finished my physics (besides magnetic effect of current) and pangsehed ms for homeeee <3>

Thursday night movie?

Friday after celebrations movie?

HOWHOWHOW GOT CID T_T

The lack of thinking.

I got really bored with researching on the arts and doing SPA exercises, which resulted in me blog hopping, a pretty rare sight nowadays.

anyway, went to xx's and yy's blog. I've to say they're two very inspiring blogs, goes to show they actually think. so when they blog, there's actually substance. unlike so many out there who only blogs about the timetable of their life. like oh at 8am i woke up for breakfast and then fell asleep again blahblahblah, you get the idea.

So then, it got me thinking on myself, obviously. I used to think a whole lot more than i do now, and even though thinking so much made me quite introverted, i thought i was a better person back then. And then when i forced myself to become more extroverted, I suppressed all other kinds of thinking and I think that's what led me into becoming such a shallow, superficial human being. It's so unsatisfying to have to admit this. Argh.

Therefore, i've decided I want to think more. It's going to be hard to restart my brain, but I believe it's necessary and definitely helpful cause i'd be a little less lazy ):

Which reminds me. I've been in quite a depressing mood this weekend. I just recently realised I'm so dependent on my computer and so addicted to it that I can't stay away from it for more than half an hour. My mind's telling i'm wasting precious time doing useless things, but I just can't bare to tear myself off the computer. Probably because I don't see the point in doing my work.

That is why I envy people with dreams.

People with dreams have something to work towards. They have a goal, something they want to achieve. because of that, they'd have the motivation to put in effort for their dreams because they know it's what they want. I don't have a dream. I've never put in any serious thought into what i'm going to be in the future, and that's just depressing cause everyone around me have dreams. I've great musicians around me, often labeled geniuses, people who have great academic results and can probably be whatever they wish to be, people who (despite it being seemingly impossible to reach) have dreams that can propel them into working harder. And that's making feel so lousy, so jealous of people with dreams.

To me, not having something to work towards is pathetic. (sorry to those in the same situation as I am..) It's like you just live your life, each day passing, often without any achievements or work done, and then regretting the time wasted and then feeling crap about myself. It's a vicious cycle I can't break out of. I mean, don't you feel so utterly useless sitting in front of a computer, updating your status every now and then on FB, checking out pictures or updates your friends made, playing those brainless yet addictive games (or maybe because it's brainless, hence the appeal) , basically doing nothing that helps with your future?

No, I don't condemn these things, but they're things that we do in our free time, for leisure, things we do in moderation. We're not supposed to be spending hours on it, while leaving the serious work we have to rot in your bag or maybe even wish for it to disappear magically. Yeap, I conclude, that I've gotten my priorities wrong. Okay no. I have them right, or I would never think that I'm wasting time, it's just that I have no self-discipline to stick to my priorities (sounds familiar, have i said this before?). That's it.

Self-discipline isn't easily acquired, it's the epitome of character development, imo. Since it's like that, it will require some drastic change in mindset and actions on my part. I'm starting off with trying to get each day's work done on that day itself. To make sure, i'll just stay in the school library everyday until I'm done. If there's time and i'm not too tired, I might just review what has been taught for the day :D This was actually motivated by my juniors, they've been doing this for the past week and I thought it's a great idea. Though I'm just gonna do it on my own because that's when I concentrate best.

yeap! starting tomorrow :D I should stop wanting to go home as early as possible, though it's kind of a wonderful thing to be able to go home at 1.30pm.. ): I WILL SACRIFICE MY DESIRES TO BE A BETTER PERSON. or student, in this case. I'm quite sure I won't get my full exemption so it's time to start preparing for the 20 chapters of Biology.

Oh yes, I promise to try and love my cca as much as possible too. I think i really do now, after the SX trip. So i'll try to maintain that kind of feeling and keep reminding myself of the feelings I felt on stage while waiting to receive the prize. The feeling's so amazing I doubt I'd ever forget ♥

Found out a couple of days ago that jonathan shin reads my blog. Quite cool, but please don't talk about it with my sister. and if she doesn't know about the blog, don't tell her. that person will mock me just because she knows she's so darn pro. grahhh.

END WITH A SONG! it's august now, so let's get into the National Day mood :D I love my country okay? And i've always loved celebrating national day (esp the coomunity singing) until I entered secondary school since it's always so sian. I'm changing my playlist to past NDP songs too, arranged according to my likinggggg. As a remembrance of the year we performed, today's song will be 2007's NDP theme song: Will you?

Will You?

Will You Singers: Janani Sridhar, Asha Edmund, Emma Yong, Lily Ann Rahmat,
Jai Wahab, Shabir Mohammed, Sebastian Tan, Gani Karim
Music & Lyrics by: Jimmy Ye

Will you make this island
Amazing in all ways?
Surprises every corner,
Delightful nights and days.

Will you take this country
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face?

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?
And...Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Will you take this city
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?
And...Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Dare to find...
Dare to find...
Dare to find...New ways!

(:

Nostalgia.

I realised, i didn't write anything for my batch mates. Since i wont have the time to do so, i decided to send some of them emails instead.. only some. cause i dont know what to say to the rest..

Today's bio test was screwed. no time to finish although i totally knew how to do those questions! dammit ): grah. tmr's chem test, hope i'll be a little more awake and can do it like, faster -.-

AHHH I LOVE EVERYBODY! :D

oooo

i just realised my url is similar to glen's previous blog link :\

Strip me down to nothingness.

My term as the president of RVC has ended.

It started out rough. I had no idea how to control the choir, and I was so emotional back then too. So critical of others and so easily defeated by tiny things. Yea, I was really weak back then. It made me hate being a president alot cause I thought it prevented me from being a normal, committed choir member. How wrong I was.

I always thought my first priority would be to get the discipline on track, and that being strict and really stern with them would make them learn. I started out ending every practice with scoldings, and it didn't really show much result except that it stressed me out alot since i really hate scolding people. I thought it was the only way to make choir good. How wrong I was.

I doubted my committee when I first stepped up. I didn't, and couldn't trust them. We were all weak. And I was frustrated because I wasn't strong enough to do anything to change that. I resented my weakness. But it only made me feel more drained.

And yet, somehow, along the way, I slowly changed. I don't know how, don't know when, don't know why, I became less uptight and (slightly) more easygoing. I gave in to the fact that not everything's gonna turn out the way I want them to, and all I could do was to learn to expect the unexpected.

Obviously it wouldn't have been possible without a certain level of confidence. But I want all of you to know, confidence isn't something inborn. Well, it MIGHT be, but it can be cultivated to, if you so dearly wish for it.

First, you learn to see everyone on equal grounds. You're not superior or inferior to anyone. Second, Trust in your own abilities and your judgements. You can't expect anyone to listen to you if you don't trust what you're doing. Third, Be egoistical. You're the president, it's fine to boast about it once in awhile. But of course, it gets irritating if you really BELIEVE this, though i think it's fine if you meant it in a joking manner. like, i've always been saying, AMANDA ROCKS RIGHTTTTTTTT? :D Fourth, be nice! shower your members with care and concern, they'll learn to love you back too ^^

Confidence is crucial.

There were times when I found myself all alone while my other friends were having fun with each other. I felt really sad, but it really can't be helped. When there are responsibilities to uphold and things to deal with, i wasn't able to just stay with my clique and have fun. Although it does distant me from them, I still took pride in being a president.

I learnt a lot in my term of office, and I hope Joel would too. I hope he'd create his own legacy and leave behind even sweeter memories for the choir. I hope for the committee to work well together, set aside their differences and unite towards one common goal. I hope they'd never forget the feelings of joy when we received out Gold IV and Gold II, and always remember to never be complacent. Remember Ms Tham's words.

I thank everyone in choir, for making my term as a President such an enriching one. As cliche as it is, it'd never be the same without anyone of you. My committee, my batchmates, I hope I've been at least a decent leader that you guys could trust.

Outgoing Committee:

President: Amanda

Vice Pres: Xinyi, Junjie

Treasurer: Vanessa

Secretary: Amelia

SCs: Calvin, Pekkhoon

ASCs: Xue wen, Wei yang

SLs: He Ping, Yu Ning, Ching Xing, Gina, Clement, Hubert, Jun Wei, Shuoren

Librarians: Joel, Joelle

Incomming Committee:

President: Joel

Vice Pres: Vanessa

AVP: Levonne

Treasurer: Rae

Secretary: Joelle

SCs: Jun Wei, Wei Yang

ASCs: Xue wen, Glenvicia

SLs: Boon Fang, Xu Xi, Ha Nee, yuan fang, Clement, Hubert, Jiang Xu

Librarians: Si Ying, Jeremy

Joel, I've already written everything I wanted to say to you in the 18 letters LOL. Happy reading!

Vanessa, I have high hopes for you. I have lots of faith in you too. Please know that we love you as much as we love the rest of your batch. You guys are all my dearest dearest dearest juniors :D

Boonfang, Thanks for your toblerone and your letter! Im so sorry i didn't get you anything T_T and i'm sorry about the PT thing hahaha but it's kinda necessary ._. and you know now that it's much slacker than the seniors' already right! SEE YOU IN RVCS NEXT YEAR <3>

Yuanfang, hanee, heyyyy my alto juniors! I havent always been around with the section to help out much, Im sorry. Please do your best as the SLs because I had to fight pretty hard with the teachers for you two! I know you'll do fine as SLs so im not worried, but I promise to always be there for you if you ever need help ^^ AWESOME ALTOS ALMIGHTY!

Hubert, heyyyyy. i've written everything I wanted to tell you in the letter too. I'm kind of glad you almost cried while reading it, which means my feelings got through to you. I teared while writing it too, and i'm guilty because I could have done something to change it, but I didn't. But please remember I really do love you <:

rvc committee 2010/2011, jiayou!

Melancholy.

Im finally done with the video. and the presents too.

except for 2 letters, which i'll write in school ltr.

i'm spending so much time on this im not even doing my homework! gosh, i've like over a thousand words to check up on and bio and chem to revise for zzz. Cant wait for this week to be over. Im just hoping that Bio will be postponed or sth ><>

I kinda screwed up the chinese test today.. didnt know what to write for the ling gan thingy. grahhh. cx shuoren calvin desheng etc PONNED CHINESE REMEDIAL! im the only one who was so guai, never pon. CAUSE IM NOT IN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE >D hahahahahaha

but gosh, it's crazy. write one essay every single remedial lesson, i'd rather die ):

zuowen is my weakness :D

and now, even lang arts essay is a chore ><

walked around with cx today and she asked me what i thought about him. I don't know, he's just a friend, nothing more, maybe less. i don't knowwwwwww.

Handover in 12 hours.

Starting to be glad that it'd all be over soon~^^

then i can focus on OSS.

The Devil does exist.

AMANDAＣＨＡＮISＰＲＯＣＲＡＳＴＩＮＡＴＩＮＧTOOＭＵＣＨ！

argh.

I spent so much time on the handover gift but it's not even that nice ): it's meaningful IF he gets the meaning behind the words.. otherwise, it'd just be a waste. JOEL PLEASE BE SMART ENOUGH! :D

this is what i have to finish today:

The Right Word Pg. 7-13

Read Newsweek! <3

Lang arts essay? (maybe not)

HANDOVER GIFT -.-

revise chemchemchem.

Yeap! there're like, 4 tests next week.

1. chinese reading test - monday

2. bio test (human repro, genetics, variation) - tues/thurs

3. chem (organic chem) - friday

4. chem spa - tentative

I thought physics spa was relatively easy since i totally had too much time and even fell asleep during the test. Let's hope my result reflects my confidence.

I got accepted into OSS! And I did my first translation assignment on thursday :D I'm really happy yaknow, it's damn cool to do things like this. I want to be a good translator in the future :>

anway, i've decided to join the senior choir. I was hesitant at first, because I don't know if i want to continue in the same cca for like, 11 years when my future wont be anything music related. But then I realise it doesn't necessarily have to be. Curriculum is already hectic enough, my cca ought to be a place where i find some peace and enjoy myself right?

I still like music a lot. And I like singing a lot too. So i'm just going to ignore other problems like *some* people hating me in the choir and stay in there. I'll learn to get over things like this. I'll survive :D

Actually, it's really after Shaoxing that I made up my mind. I just know i'll regret my decision if I really left choir. far too many memories in my 4 years here. good ones, bad ones, we've all weathered it as a choir. And this's also the place where I matured, the place that allowed me to grow and gain so much confidence. to the extent that i'm not scared of going on stage now, it's more excitement than anxiety.

Yeap. I'll grow even more the next two years. In the mean time, no relationships allowed! FOCUS ON GROWING UP FIRST YOU DUMMY.

Amanda is awesome :D

The Joy.

I AM BACK FROM CHINA!

CONGRATULATIONS TO RVC AND RVCS FOR GETTING GOLD IV AND GOLD II RESPECTIVELY!

WE ROCK!

<3

handover on thurs! ):
two more days as rvc's president.

We'll have no regrets.

tomorrow's the day!

i forgot to post this yesterday, but i'm starting not to look forward to lang arts because of the topic. we're on FAMILY now, and it's so darn irritating reading those articles and watching those videos about parents and fatherhood and blah. it's a natural reaction, i can't help it.

school was pretty cool today, though i was sleepy half the time ): got caught by mrs llm during CID today zzzz. siancscxzcxzczcsxx. i barely survived the rest of the mass lecture. anyway, WE ARE EXEMPTED FROM MATHS TEST! i think mr ong decided not to do it after my scary sms HAHA.

today's practice was a little on the bad side. ms tham got angry with us. i feel bad, cause i couldn't sing properly. i was so much softer today and i can't concentrate either ):

i got to talk to him today, abit happy lah hahaha. i still remember his number after so long! gosh. call me dumb, but i'm damn happy when i see his name appear on my phone when it rings LOL. though it's just a liiiiiiitle heartbreaking to know that we wont ever be more than friends :x anyway, he wished me goodluck for sx :D

oh yes and john too, he pons and everything, but he never forgets to wish us good luck hahaha. SO NICE RIGHT SO NICE RIGHT! :D

and i'm happy today because of another thing. ADELINEEEEEEEEEE <3 yeap! she's my first buddy ever in rvc, and though we hardly even talk, and people think she's scary, i like/admire/respect her a hellll lot :D she's really nice, and cool, and pretteh, and scary in a good way~ and she wished us good luck! it was just one sentence, BUT I WAS SO HAPPY.

yeap! so for the sake of these people who wished and hoped that we'd do well, I WILL DO MY BESTEST BEST! and even though i have the feeling we won't do that well on stage, and we might seriously not win anything, i'll still (try) not to cry, since that's what we promised ms tham too.

maybe.. one sms from him after the competition would cheer me up considerably? :D

gosh, now i sound like those lovesick juniors that i have -_-
BUT NO, I'M NOT LOVESICK.

Grey skies..

how did merwyn find this place?

...


okay.


we had morning run this morning, with altos ♥
it was only 4 rounds though.. and a little bit of core. followed by sectionals, where we fixed the actions. a little embarrassing to sing since people are staring -.-

Lessons were alright, everything passed pretty quickly, partly because i was doing illegal things during lesson time. like doing chinese homework during maths and physics, and not paying much attention during chinese ): but i must totally applaud myself for having completed all my zuowenSSS even though i said i wont do them :x ha, the first step to a better meee.

[sidenote] there're so many people wanting to join tennis! o: but almost all the girls don't know who the mysterious cca leader is -.- i suppose those who want to join can come find me :D LOL i'll be their messenger ^^ [/sidenote]

anyway, now that i think of it, i'm not entirely sure if i want to have the maths test after we come back. I mean, it's such a chore having to stay back for a stupid test. this just goes to show how there's never a good time for tests zzz so i've decided, the ruckus i've caused was unnecessary and really unhelpful ): this doesn't mean i'm happy with having the test in shaoxing :D

i found out about something that's pretty bothersome.. totally hoping it's not real, or it'd be super awkward from now on zzz. but they're acting really childishly recently, abit funnnnneh.

listening to;
everytime we touch - cascada

old song, but still a beautiful one.

I AM SO PISSED OFF.

HOW CAN WE HAVE MATHS TEST DURING THE SHAO XING TRIP!

THEY'RE UNREASONABLE, INHUMANE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, IDIOTIC, UN-UNDERSTANDING AND DID I MENTION UNREASONABLE?

I wouldn't mind if it's some language paper, but it's maths! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN TAKE WITHOUT PREPARING.

maybe maths geniuses like xumeng and chingxing and everyone else can, but i can't! it's just unfair. and i totally didn't have time to revise for it these past few days, and now they do this to us!

it's not JUST MATHS. maths's the subject i need to pull up my results on esp for this term. HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN THEY'RE DOING THIS.

Can't they just wait till we get back? like seriously.

argh. i'm so frustrated and pissed off now.

The First Post

Hello, I've finally decided to create a new blog, and gave up on my private one. Was wondering if I should make this blog known to others, and decided against it. If they chance upon it, then toooo bad.

It's a bit late, and extremely stupid of me to post this now, but still..

RESOLUTION FOR SEMESTER TWO:
1. Do well in Shaoxing!
2. Put in more effort to complete my homework.. or at least TRY TO.
3. Minimise time spent fangirling
4. Make a good decision in choosing the comm. don't regret it, like how the year 5s regretted theirs.
5. FULL EXEMPTION FROM EOYs.
6. Splurge less
7. Be a nicer person (?)

All the above requires lots of self-discipline, not exactly sure if it'll turn out well D:

As the day of the competition nears, memories of italy come flooding back. It was when Hazel and Weikai were still in rvc, and when we were the youngest in the choir. We had nothing to worry about besides singing out parts well. The time on stage, on the bus and the plane, shopping, sightseeing, in the hotel, playing cards, all of which are dear memories.

2 years later, we're now the oldest in the junior choir. From an SL to (reluctantly) a president, we've all been forced to grow up and shoulder much more responsibility. This year's trip is a lot more different.

The people. We had 32 the previous trip, and now there's 72. That's more than twice the number. It was easy to manage with a small group of people and much easier to have fun, which was why italy was memorable. Which is why, I've to constantly remind myself that we're going there for a competition.

The place. Italy --> China. Europe --> Asia. Self-explanatory.

The time. Next week is when all the term tests start coming in, and for me who's aiming for full exemption, it's risky.

I get totally turned off when i think of all these, but there'd still be this unexplainable excitement in my heart every once in a while. When I think about it, it's my turn to lead! I've to lead a whole bunch of animals (which'll really test my patience), but this would be the last event I'd be in charge of. The last thing I could do for the Choir. Before I step down. I'd have to remain positive and see through to this right?

I've grown to accept my position.
I feel a sense of pride towards the junior choir.
Even though many of them likes the senior choir more, I like the junior choir. Because it is the one i'm leading. the one that witnessed all my failures, the one that suffered under my wrath, and it's where my committee is. The committee that appeared so screwed up, and the same committee that stood united during march camp and made me feel proud to be their leader.

I don't want to leave.