The lack of thinking.

I got really bored with researching on the arts and doing SPA exercises, which resulted in me blog hopping, a pretty rare sight nowadays.

anyway, went to xx's and yy's blog. I've to say they're two very inspiring blogs, goes to show they actually think. so when they blog, there's actually substance. unlike so many out there who only blogs about the timetable of their life. like oh at 8am i woke up for breakfast and then fell asleep again blahblahblah, you get the idea.

So then, it got me thinking on myself, obviously. I used to think a whole lot more than i do now, and even though thinking so much made me quite introverted, i thought i was a better person back then. And then when i forced myself to become more extroverted, I suppressed all other kinds of thinking and I think that's what led me into becoming such a shallow, superficial human being. It's so unsatisfying to have to admit this. Argh.

Therefore, i've decided I want to think more. It's going to be hard to restart my brain, but I believe it's necessary and definitely helpful cause i'd be a little less lazy ):

Which reminds me. I've been in quite a depressing mood this weekend. I just recently realised I'm so dependent on my computer and so addicted to it that I can't stay away from it for more than half an hour. My mind's telling i'm wasting precious time doing useless things, but I just can't bare to tear myself off the computer. Probably because I don't see the point in doing my work.

That is why I envy people with dreams.

People with dreams have something to work towards. They have a goal, something they want to achieve. because of that, they'd have the motivation to put in effort for their dreams because they know it's what they want. I don't have a dream. I've never put in any serious thought into what i'm going to be in the future, and that's just depressing cause everyone around me have dreams. I've great musicians around me, often labeled geniuses, people who have great academic results and can probably be whatever they wish to be, people who (despite it being seemingly impossible to reach) have dreams that can propel them into working harder. And that's making feel so lousy, so jealous of people with dreams.

To me, not having something to work towards is pathetic. (sorry to those in the same situation as I am..) It's like you just live your life, each day passing, often without any achievements or work done, and then regretting the time wasted and then feeling crap about myself. It's a vicious cycle I can't break out of. I mean, don't you feel so utterly useless sitting in front of a computer, updating your status every now and then on FB, checking out pictures or updates your friends made, playing those brainless yet addictive games (or maybe because it's brainless, hence the appeal) , basically doing nothing that helps with your future?

No, I don't condemn these things, but they're things that we do in our free time, for leisure, things we do in moderation. We're not supposed to be spending hours on it, while leaving the serious work we have to rot in your bag or maybe even wish for it to disappear magically. Yeap, I conclude, that I've gotten my priorities wrong. Okay no. I have them right, or I would never think that I'm wasting time, it's just that I have no self-discipline to stick to my priorities (sounds familiar, have i said this before?). That's it.

Self-discipline isn't easily acquired, it's the epitome of character development, imo. Since it's like that, it will require some drastic change in mindset and actions on my part. I'm starting off with trying to get each day's work done on that day itself. To make sure, i'll just stay in the school library everyday until I'm done. If there's time and i'm not too tired, I might just review what has been taught for the day :D This was actually motivated by my juniors, they've been doing this for the past week and I thought it's a great idea. Though I'm just gonna do it on my own because that's when I concentrate best.

yeap! starting tomorrow :D I should stop wanting to go home as early as possible, though it's kind of a wonderful thing to be able to go home at 1.30pm.. ): I WILL SACRIFICE MY DESIRES TO BE A BETTER PERSON. or student, in this case. I'm quite sure I won't get my full exemption so it's time to start preparing for the 20 chapters of Biology.

Oh yes, I promise to try and love my cca as much as possible too. I think i really do now, after the SX trip. So i'll try to maintain that kind of feeling and keep reminding myself of the feelings I felt on stage while waiting to receive the prize. The feeling's so amazing I doubt I'd ever forget ♥

Found out a couple of days ago that jonathan shin reads my blog. Quite cool, but please don't talk about it with my sister. and if she doesn't know about the blog, don't tell her. that person will mock me just because she knows she's so darn pro. grahhh.

END WITH A SONG! it's august now, so let's get into the National Day mood :D I love my country okay? And i've always loved celebrating national day (esp the coomunity singing) until I entered secondary school since it's always so sian. I'm changing my playlist to past NDP songs too, arranged according to my likinggggg. As a remembrance of the year we performed, today's song will be 2007's NDP theme song: Will you?

Will You?

Will You Singers: Janani Sridhar, Asha Edmund, Emma Yong, Lily Ann Rahmat,
Jai Wahab, Shabir Mohammed, Sebastian Tan, Gani Karim
Music & Lyrics by: Jimmy Ye

Will you make this island
Amazing in all ways?
Surprises every corner,
Delightful nights and days.

Will you take this country
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face?

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?
And...Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Will you take this city
And turn it from a place
To a home that greets you
With smiles on every face

Will you come on this brave journey?
Will you help to make it real?
Will you write us grand new stories,
Songs that everyone will feel?

So...Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?
And...Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

Dare to find...
Dare to find...
Dare to find...New ways!

(: