NEED TO WORK ON MY RESOLUTIONS.

1 week and the real thing starts. what am i doing!

Dear annoying sister who happens to be really smart,

I love you very very much, even if I argue with you all day long. I always feel like a kid when I'm around you and it's kinda like a safe haven for me cause I know I can always depend on you to help me out when I really need it. It's the rare times I don't have to be all grown up and mature cause that's what you're supposed to be. With you, I'm just an annoying, loud, spoilt, and childish soon-to-be 17 year old, which i'm so grateful for. It helps me stop myself from growing up too soon, too fast.

I'm crying now (AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT) because now I feel like an idiot for not spending more time with you while you were still around. I suppose we can in the future, but you'll probably be even more independent and with your own circle of friends and living your own life. I'll never say that to you though, cause I'm too prideful to show you my weaker, softer side. Well, at least i'm humble enough to admit that? Argh, I crack myself up.

Thank you for your presents! love them a lot. Especially the organiser. Will make sure I use it! Thank you thank you thank you thank you for being my arguing partner for the past 16 years (or ever since I knew how to talk). I've learnt so much from you and was jealous of you so much and so often and probably grew dependent on your cause you were always there, but now it's time to grow up and be independent.

I hope you do really well even in university, cause you deserve to have nothing but the best and I'm sure you'll never hope for anything lesser than that. You're an amazing person (THOUGH YOU ARE STILL ANNOYING AS HELL), and it excites me just thinking of how far you could go.

Stay safe, enjoy yourself!

Till then.

Love,

Your lovely, not-so-smart but forever awesome sister.

Yesterday marked the end of one of the bigger projects I've done in my life up till now. I think it's amazing how quickly friendships can be formed when you're put together with a bunch of people and made to work together through whatever differences there might be. It's been exactly 4 months since the YPC first met, and we've done so much together over these 4 months; we ranted/gossiped/bitched about you-know-who, and stood together against people who're out to watch us fail. Sure we had our fair share of disagreements and unhappiness when the going got tough, but we all learnt to let things go and still supported each other through.

I'm not gonna lie and say we're super capable. I'm not, and I think I've been a really bad dept IC ): So I really gotta thank Beiying for tanking most of my work, and Maygi and Jiamin for being such supporting members. They're super super super awesome people, and I'll never regret joining this event because I wouldn't have met them otherwise. Same goes for Zibin, Wailreng, Eugenie, Huiwen, Zhijun and mayyyyyyyybeeeeee Eddric hahaha.

BACK TO HOMEWORK!

Time to rethink.

I don't get it. I want so many things yet I don't put in enough effort for anything. Was it a bad call to join NDP? I'm not gonna lie, but I honestly have no idea why I'm even trying so hard anymore. I'm starting to get really sick of studying and I don't really feel like doing anything besides slack and sleep. Is that normal?

I was thinking it's time to really think about what I want and the things I'm willing to sacrifice for this. Kinda like reprioritising. Studies should be the top of my concern, then how should i rank my CCAs, external commitments, friends and family?

For now, I'm just gonna set some goals for my EOYs.

GP - A

Econs - C

Math - B

History - A

CSE - A

Doesn't seem very realistic judging from my Mid year results and my lack of motivation and momentum. So here're some things I'll have to force myself to do from now on:

1. Stay awake in lessons

2. Finish tutorials in time

3. Read for an hour everyday

4. Sleep by 12am everyday

5. Stop snacking so much and start slimming down (LOL)

6. Go for morning runs on Sunday (or swim!)

7. Wake up by 8am on weekends

8. Don't switch on the computer unless I need it for work

9. Don't use my phone unnecessarily in school

10. Don't be too soft on myself.

My schedule from after NDP till end Aug:

Tues - Sectionals

Weds - CCA & YPC meeting

Friday - CCA

Doesn't seem so bad all of a sudden!

Post-NDP projects

1. Editorial publication

2. EOYs

3. Concert @ Esplanade

4. Internship

5. Overseas trip

6. Focus on PW!

7. Catch up with friends!

So hectic.

xyz

I really wish people would just believe me when I say i'm gonna fail.

I know I didn't used to mean it literally. Failing used to be just not getting A, but it's different now. I'm in JC, and things just got that much harder, and me saying 'I'm gonna fail' really means I'm gonna fail. I know how I did, I won't even bother exaggerating since there's you can't fail beyond failing.

I don't need people to tell me, "Stop saying you're gonna fail, it's annoying" nor do I need people to "zzzz" me. It's fine if they don't believe me, but those who do say such things need to be responsible for what they say. I'm sick of people saying those irresponsible stuff. Like they know how well or how badly I'm doing. Like they know better than the person taking the test. I'm tired of people saying I'm annoying because I tweet about how i'm really motivated, and people saying I'm annoying because I tweet about how I'm gonna fail. I can't go either ways without people saying shit about me huh? Please unfollow me if I annoy you. Or I'll remove you myself just so I don't annoy you any further.

For the billionth time, I'm not a pessimist. I'm just a realist. I'm not gonna jump around and say WOOHOO EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE when I know I did badly. That's just dumb.

Be a little more sensitive, people.

Happiness.

I'll return every single thing you ever gave me.