NEED TO WORK ON MY RESOLUTIONS.

1 week and the real thing starts. what am i doing!

Dear annoying sister who happens to be really smart,

I love you very very much, even if I argue with you all day long. I always feel like a kid when I'm around you and it's kinda like a safe haven for me cause I know I can always depend on you to help me out when I really need it. It's the rare times I don't have to be all grown up and mature cause that's what you're supposed to be. With you, I'm just an annoying, loud, spoilt, and childish soon-to-be 17 year old, which i'm so grateful for. It helps me stop myself from growing up too soon, too fast.

I'm crying now (AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT) because now I feel like an idiot for not spending more time with you while you were still around. I suppose we can in the future, but you'll probably be even more independent and with your own circle of friends and living your own life. I'll never say that to you though, cause I'm too prideful to show you my weaker, softer side. Well, at least i'm humble enough to admit that? Argh, I crack myself up.

Thank you for your presents! love them a lot. Especially the organiser. Will make sure I use it! Thank you thank you thank you thank you for being my arguing partner for the past 16 years (or ever since I knew how to talk). I've learnt so much from you and was jealous of you so much and so often and probably grew dependent on your cause you were always there, but now it's time to grow up and be independent.

I hope you do really well even in university, cause you deserve to have nothing but the best and I'm sure you'll never hope for anything lesser than that. You're an amazing person (THOUGH YOU ARE STILL ANNOYING AS HELL), and it excites me just thinking of how far you could go.

Stay safe, enjoy yourself!

Till then.

Love,

Your lovely, not-so-smart but forever awesome sister.

Yesterday marked the end of one of the bigger projects I've done in my life up till now. I think it's amazing how quickly friendships can be formed when you're put together with a bunch of people and made to work together through whatever differences there might be. It's been exactly 4 months since the YPC first met, and we've done so much together over these 4 months; we ranted/gossiped/bitched about you-know-who, and stood together against people who're out to watch us fail. Sure we had our fair share of disagreements and unhappiness when the going got tough, but we all learnt to let things go and still supported each other through.

I'm not gonna lie and say we're super capable. I'm not, and I think I've been a really bad dept IC ): So I really gotta thank Beiying for tanking most of my work, and Maygi and Jiamin for being such supporting members. They're super super super awesome people, and I'll never regret joining this event because I wouldn't have met them otherwise. Same goes for Zibin, Wailreng, Eugenie, Huiwen, Zhijun and mayyyyyyyybeeeeee Eddric hahaha.

BACK TO HOMEWORK!

Time to rethink.

I don't get it. I want so many things yet I don't put in enough effort for anything. Was it a bad call to join NDP? I'm not gonna lie, but I honestly have no idea why I'm even trying so hard anymore. I'm starting to get really sick of studying and I don't really feel like doing anything besides slack and sleep. Is that normal?

I was thinking it's time to really think about what I want and the things I'm willing to sacrifice for this. Kinda like reprioritising. Studies should be the top of my concern, then how should i rank my CCAs, external commitments, friends and family?

For now, I'm just gonna set some goals for my EOYs.

GP - A

Econs - C

Math - B

History - A

CSE - A

Doesn't seem very realistic judging from my Mid year results and my lack of motivation and momentum. So here're some things I'll have to force myself to do from now on:

1. Stay awake in lessons

2. Finish tutorials in time

3. Read for an hour everyday

4. Sleep by 12am everyday

5. Stop snacking so much and start slimming down (LOL)

6. Go for morning runs on Sunday (or swim!)

7. Wake up by 8am on weekends

8. Don't switch on the computer unless I need it for work

9. Don't use my phone unnecessarily in school

10. Don't be too soft on myself.

My schedule from after NDP till end Aug:

Tues - Sectionals

Weds - CCA & YPC meeting

Friday - CCA

Doesn't seem so bad all of a sudden!

Post-NDP projects

1. Editorial publication

2. EOYs

3. Concert @ Esplanade

4. Internship

5. Overseas trip

6. Focus on PW!

7. Catch up with friends!

So hectic.

xyz

I really wish people would just believe me when I say i'm gonna fail.

I know I didn't used to mean it literally. Failing used to be just not getting A, but it's different now. I'm in JC, and things just got that much harder, and me saying 'I'm gonna fail' really means I'm gonna fail. I know how I did, I won't even bother exaggerating since there's you can't fail beyond failing.

I don't need people to tell me, "Stop saying you're gonna fail, it's annoying" nor do I need people to "zzzz" me. It's fine if they don't believe me, but those who do say such things need to be responsible for what they say. I'm sick of people saying those irresponsible stuff. Like they know how well or how badly I'm doing. Like they know better than the person taking the test. I'm tired of people saying I'm annoying because I tweet about how i'm really motivated, and people saying I'm annoying because I tweet about how I'm gonna fail. I can't go either ways without people saying shit about me huh? Please unfollow me if I annoy you. Or I'll remove you myself just so I don't annoy you any further.

For the billionth time, I'm not a pessimist. I'm just a realist. I'm not gonna jump around and say WOOHOO EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE when I know I did badly. That's just dumb.

Be a little more sensitive, people.

Happiness.

I'll return every single thing you ever gave me.

OH YEA, DID I MENTION I AM REALLY MOTIVATED? OH YES I AM ♥

I've decided.

If my friends aren't honest enough to speak frankly with me, then it's not worth the time and effort to worry about what they think of me. Especially if they're just gonna give me the cold shoulder without reason. If they've a reason for it, tell me. If not, i'm not gonna torture myself thinking what I did wrong.

I really don't have the time for that this year.

So save me the drama, I'll entertain you 2 years later.

Will I?

School's starting tomorrow.

I'll officially be a JC student.

In less than 2 years time i'll be taking my As.

Am I ready for what's to come?

Nope, definitely not.

I've been slacking too much and worrying too little throughout the 2 months break and frankly speaking, I'm very, very, very unprepared (mentally). I can't even begin to imagine how tough it'd actually be, all i know is I'll have to read (and write) a lot more now. Like how my sister is.

argh.

I'm always doing the same things she does, just not as good. There isn't one thing that I've done that isn't partly influenced by her. She has too much of a presence in my life it sucks. I don't want to live in the shadows forever.

But i'll have to start learning from her if I do want to get a scholarship T__T I fear for my future.

... ):

And i'm extremely disappointed that that person thought that about me.

Say what?

I didn't think the day I'd feel this way would ever come, so now that it's here...

.

..

...

........

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

and i can't tell anyone i usually talk to cause it's awkward like shit. sigh.

anyway. ytd ytd was rvcs chalet. it was quite fun, playing monopoly deal and daidi and drinking.. funny/irritating/annoying/weird things happened and it was all because of those drunkards. Sigh.

POOL WAS FUN.. though I'm still really lousy at it. played till it was time to rush to my aunt's house for newyear countdown!

Didn't have dinner so ate lots of fingerfood that my aunt prepared.

drank again, much more than chalet but still not enough to make me dizzy ):

I miss that feeling already, when did my alcohol tolerance go so high zzz.

played slapjack! it was so much funner than the chalet one cause my cousin's girlfriend is super slow and we can't help but laugh laugh laugh at her hahahaha she's such a nice girl too!

made so much noise we couldn't help but worry that police might be called in -_-

played till 4+? then went out with my cousins to mount faber.

sat around, talked a little, enjoy the scenery, watched couples make out, laugh at stupid things, went back to my aunts house at 6+ and spent the night there!

Woke up at 1+pm and went to JP! for lunch at newyork new york.

fabulous lunch. just thinking of it makes me hungry.

but I was so full after that I decided to skip dinner zzz

It's fattening, but i really wouldn't mind eating there everyday heeheeeee.

was msg cow throughout the day.. and was supposed to go play pool with him tmr but ended up cancelling it since everyone's broke ): and there's class chalet tmr! If we went, i think we'll end up going there at 7+pm zzz.

why am i blogging so much after months of not blogging? Feels so weird.

I AM VERY HAPPY NOW! <3